Pizza Hut gave me food poisoning. Allegedly.

Since I intend to keep this blog completely anonymous, I have no shame in saying that I have had explosive, frothy diarrhea for the past 8 days thanks to my neighborhood Pizza Hut. Not only is this disgusting and inconvenient, I suspect it’s only a matter of time before I die from dehydration to boot. I suppose it would be fitting, really, to die as I lived–full of shit–but I shan’t meet my maker without first warning others of the vile pizza beast that hath rendered my bowels so spasmy and full of liquid poo.

Now, I can’t say with certainty whether it was the Cheese Lover’s Pizza, breadsticks, salad bar, or waitress’s unfriendly demeanor that did the deed, but it was definitely the Hut that allegedly gave me the shits. I should have known better than to eat there once I saw a pile of half eaten chicken wings on the floor beneath my booth. Hindsight is 20/20, as the old saw goes. Unfortunately for my hind, however, this revelation is too little, too late.