I hate blogs, but I love hypocrisy

I hate blogs, bloggers, and blog-readers. I really do. The “blogosphere,” as virginal nerds are keen to call it, is populated with talentless, voyeuristic, self-indulgent doofuses that take advantage of the internet’s accessibility to spew forth a maelstrom of pseudo-intellectualism, overly personal biography, and hollow opinion.

To 99% of bloggers, I would like to say:

I do not care what you think. I do not care what you had for lunch or what you just downloaded on your iPod. Your political opinions mean nothing to me. Your taste in music and movies is appalling. The latest photo you uploaded of yourself drunk at a club is embarrassing. I don’t give two shits about why your girlfriend broke up with you.

You are not a talented writer. Whatever shithole public university granted you an English degree ought to lose its accreditation. You are not witty, insightful, or clever. You won’t make any money doing this, nor will you achieve any sort of fame. If you use one more emoticon, I will shrink myself down, crawl through your DSL cable, and punch you in the face. Kindly, shut the hell up.

Yet, here I sit blogging. Fortunately for me, I’m already filled with self-loathing, so this blatant act of hypocrisy won’t weigh very heavily on my conscience.